Let the Sarcasm Begin!

Posted on November 30, 2004 by Linda

I didn’t write this. I don’t know who did. It’s one of those things that had probably been forwarded a hundred times by the time it got to my inbox. However, it uses some biting sarcasm to make an excellent point.

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination…end of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1.Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15: 19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people
who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

Got a Cockroach in Your Family?

Posted on October 12, 2004 by Linda

A Cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church has apparently gone on record (unfortunately the original link I referenced no longer works) with a statement that recognizing same-sex marriages would be akin to considering cats or cockroaches to be part of a family.

It’s amazing that people can have such narrow minded views of what constitutes a family and such a low opinion of the the love that two people can share that they would characterize this as like considering an insect to be part of your family.

And I wonder why I think that organized religions have been one of the single worst things to happen to humanity….

Expos Headed to DC

Posted on September 30, 2004 by Linda

Well, it looks official. Though I admit that I don’t really understand the selection process. How can they select a city without having picked an owner? What if they can't come to an agreement with the DC buyer group? But, hey, not much that the MLB has done of late appears to make much sense so why should this be any different?

As a baseball fan living in northern Virginia, a local team seems a good thing, but as a girl that grew up outside of Baltimore as an Orioles fan, it worries me. Will I end up losing radio and television coverage of the Orioles in this market because the Expos will be the home team?

Of course, the O’s have stunk for the last seven years, but, still, they are the team I grew up watching. Brooks and Frank and Boog….then Eddie and Cal. And while they still stink this year, if they ever get their pitching together they might be worth watching

So, go ahead and bring the Expos here, but don’t take away my Birds!